Learning to Dance in the Rain

May 2014
I sit here reading my last blog post and my eyes swell with tears again as I relive the pain and heartache of our journey. It has been a few months since I last wrote and things have changed so much....

About a week after I posted our last entry we made the decision to begin our journey again with our surrogate, Susan. A little more nervous, a little more jaded, and a little more guarded. We were, by no means, ready to quit but the emotional heartache and financial burdens were pulling us down.  I also struggled with the interference our projected transfer date would have on my time in Florida for the arrival of my sister's baby, Brinklee.  But, I decided to trust God's timing and follow His plan.  We had all the pre-procedure visits and then Susan began the medications in preparation for Embryo Transfer #2. 

I headed to Florida on April 7 (a few days earlier than originally planned) for the arrival of Brinklee as Amy's blood pressure was a little high and they were considering induction.  Amy made it a few more days before they scheduled induction.  Brinklee Elizabeth Koger was born Friday, April 11, 2014 at 7:27pm.  Amy was amazing during labor and I was overcome with emotion at how proud I was of her and how much love I already had for that little bundle of joy.  The next week was kind of a blur as I stayed with Amy, Kyle, and Brinklee to help as much as possible.

Before I knew it, Thursday, April 17 had arrived, and it was time for me to jump on a plane and head to Dallas for "Transfer Day".  I woke up very early (2am) that morning and drove to Mobile to be on a 6:30am flight. It was rainy and gross outside but I made it safely and my flight left on time.  I could not sleep on the plane as my stomach went back and forth between butterflies and knots thinking about the magnitude of what might be if things went well during transfer.  A quick layover in Houston then on to Dallas.  Jose picked me up at the airport and we headed towards the doctor's office.  We had a little time to kill so we ate lunch and walked around Target until closer to time.  The transfer was quick and uneventful then we were given the "10 day" wait appointment to come back for pregnancy testing.  We said goodbye to Susan and then went home for a little rest before I got back on a plane early Friday morning to head back to Florida for the remainder of my stay. It was raining and gross when I arrived back in Florida:-)

Ryan, Lauren and the girls arrived in town for Easter weekend and to meet Brinklee so the days were filled with laughter, good food, and happy memories.  The days ahead were filled with so many wonderful moments.  Being surrounded by family and helping take care of sweet Brink helped take my mind off of the unknown back in Texas.

Tuesday, April 22: Mom, Amy, Kyle, and I were all finishing up dinner at Amy's house.  Dad was at some honors ceremony or something for school.  We had just finished eating and I happen to glance at my phone and noticed a text message from Susan.  A faint double line on a home pregnancy test!!  My heart swelled and the tears began to fall.  I immediately called Jose to share the news.   We found ourselves excited and scared to death all at once.  In the following days I received more (and more) texts with "darkening" double line results! We were so  hopeful and longing for the confirmation blood test and ultrasound!

Our first beta was on April 28 and the results were 485, higher than our first transfer, but now for the dreaded wait for doubling every 48-72 hours.  Our next betas on Wednesday, April 30, were 981! Things were heading in the right direction :-)  We scheduled our first sono for May 8 to see our little peanut! I stayed in Florida (as long as I possibly could) until May 2 then packed up to make the long drive home.  It was bittersweet for sure.  I loved the 3 weeks I got to spend with my family and I did not want to leave but I had to come back to Dallas because my husband, my job, and now my sweet little peanut were all here. Susan texted me halfway through the trip to let me know that she drew labs again just to double check and we were at 2632!! That was exactly the boost I needed to make the trip home a lot easier.

We did our first sono and cried happy tears to see that little baby on the screen.  Definitely a tiny little thing but our sweet baby that we have longed for was growing nice and healthy!  We scheduled our next appointment for 2 weeks out, May 22, to see/hear the heartbeat for the first time.  That was the longest 2 weeks of my life but well worth it when I got to see my precious little one's heart beating on the screen for the first time. The last time I felt this way was when I myself was pregnant and got to see my beautiful little gummy bear and see that fast beating heart. Words cannot even begin to express the overwhelming emotins that I experienced. My heart feel completely in love with that little being inside Susan's uterus!  Now for the next 8 months of worry until I hold that beautiful baby in my arms, and then another lifetime of worry I'm sure:-)  Once again, I'm over the moon to say, WE ARE PREGNANT!!  Please pray everyday with us that this little peanut grows healthy and strong.