2008
Jose and I were married April 5, 2008 on the beach in Destin, FL. Our wedding was perfect in every way. We both knew before we got married that children were a definite as soon as possible! I had been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) a few years prior and had been told conceiving would "take longer" so we were ready to start trying right away. We had already envisioned our future family and could not wait to make those dreams a reality!
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April 5, 2008 |
My husband and I were still not that concerned as the doctor told us it was nothing to worry about. She felt it was a cyst, related to my PCOS, that needed to be drained and everything would be fine. At the last minute, my mom decided to make the trip from Florida to Dallas so that she could be here for the procedure. We went in early the morning of August 27. My sweet friend Christine met us there and sat with my mom in the waiting room during my surgery since Jose had to work. I remember waking up from surgery and my doctor telling me that the cyst had some "weird drainage" but that everything went well and the ovary had remained intact. I felt so relieved to have the procedure over with and so thankful my mom was there to help me with the recovery. She made chicken and dumplings, Jose rented us some movies, and we were settling in for a relaxing weekend.
Life changed completely a little after 5pm on Friday, August 29th. My doctor called to tell me that the pathology results had come back and my cyst was labeled as a "borderline" low malignancy mucinous tumor and that she was referring me to a gynecological oncologist. Of course, with it being 5pm on Friday and the following Monday being Labor Day, my appointment wasn't going to be until Tuesday, Sept. 2. It's crazy how one phone call can change your life. My head immediately began swimming with thoughts after hanging up the phone as I had no idea what to expect from that moment on. I remember sitting in the living room with Jose and both of us crying. Mom was outside making phone calls to Dad, Susie, and MaMa, I'm sure crying just the same. We called my brother and sister to tell them the news too and I remember Amy kept saying she needed to be on the next flight to Dallas. I think I would have paid for the ticket if I had the money. All I wanted in that moment was to be surrounded by my family. Luckily Dad, Amy, Ryan, Lauren and the girls were all in Crestview that night and they were able to meet up. I'm glad they were all able to be there to support each other and to process this curve ball of information. Also glad for all the sweet pictures I got of the girls that weekend to help me through....
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| This is a picture Amy sent me of the girls from her cell phone the weekend we were waiting to see the oncologist for the first time. I made it my wall paper for my phone because everytime I saw it, I smiled. |
I know at some point Mom called my uncle Doug who helped rearrange her flight so that she could stay for my appointment with the oncologist. Needless to say, I have never in my life wanted a weekend to pass as quickly as that one. And, never in my life has a weekend drug on so slowly! Mom and I tried so hard to not think about the looming appointment but it was the elephant in the room for the entire weekend.
On Tuesday, September 2, at 9:00 AM I had my first appointment with the oncologist. I remember walking through the cancer center and seeing so many sick women around me and thinking life is so unfair. When we got to the registration desk there was an extra large banner advertising September as Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. I just kept thinking how ironic the timing was. I was so nervous about this appointment for the obvious reasons and for the fact that this was the first male gynecologist I was going to see! The nurse took my blood pressure and it was through the roof! But, from the moment I met my oncologist I felt safe, informed, and in control of the situation. He was respectful, genuine, compassionate, and informative. He laid all the cards out on the table with the diagnosis and his recommended treatment was to remove the affected ovary and biopsy the remaining reproductive organs and abdominal wall. He said he would be able to do this laparoscopically. We scheduled surgery for September 10.
Mom went back to Florida the next morning so that she could get things in order for a substitute teacher and make the trip back out here for my surgery the next week. It was so hard to say goodbye to her even though I knew she was coming back in a week. Having her around had helped me so much and I dreaded the thought of having to face the next week without her. I remember how dark and gloomy it was outside the day she left and I just kept thinking how much it mimicked my feelings inside. The next week was pretty low key and uneventful as I couldn't drive and Jose was working. Jose came home on his lunch break almost every day to check on me but other than that my day was uninterrupted. I had never really been an avid reader but Mom had taken me to the library right before she left and persuaded me to check out some James Patterson books. I started one and couldn't stop after that! It was a great distraction for me while Jose was at work.
Ryan, Lauren, Emma, and Anna came to Dallas to be with us for my next surgery. They got to Dallas late Monday night (Sept. 8). Emma, was 2, and I remember how excited she was that she had gotten to ride on an airplane for the first time! Anna was only 3 months old so she didn't really care one way or the other. On Tuesday morning we went to the Dallas Museum of Nature and Science and hung out for a few hours. That afternoon I had to start my bowel prep for surgery so Jose took everyone else to eat at Chipotle after he got off work. Mom got into town later that evening.
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| Anna had a blow out all over Lauren's lap! |
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| Emma and Ryan giving the weather forecast for Dallas! |
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| Digging for fossils at the Science museum. |
The next morning we woke up bright and early to head to the hospital for my surgery. Mom, Jose and I had to go in early and Ryan, Lauren and the girls came a little later. I remember how nervous I felt that morning (so much more than the first surgery). Right before we left for the hospital we all held hands in the living room and Ryan prayed for peace, guidance, and healing. Ryan has always had a way of making me feel calm and protected and I instantly felt that calming/peaceful feeling come over me.
When we got to the hospital the first thing I had to do was have blood drawn for a pregnancy test. I assured them there was no possible way I could be pregnant as I had just had major surgery the week before. They insisted anyway. Of course, I was right. After that I was taken back to pre-op to wait for my surgery time. My friend Christine came to the hospital again that day to support me and sit with my family while I was in surgery. I am so blessed to have such compassionate and caring friends. The surgery went well. My left ovary, fallopian tube, and appendix were removed. My oncologist also did multiple biopsies of other organs and tissue in the abdomen. Everything came back clean!!! I do remember waking up from surgery with excruciating pain on my right side and having a moment of panic thinking they had taken out the wrong ovary. Then, I remembered they had taken out my appendix too. I went home later that day.
Recovery went extremely well! It definitely helped that I had so many of my family members there to love me, support me, and make me smile. I got lots of support and encouragement from Ryan, Lauren, Mom and Jose. And, I got lots of hugs, kisses, smiles, and cuddles from my sweet girls, Emma and Anna. (Emma was a little leery of my "boo boo" on my tummy though.) It was so hard to tell them goodbye again when they headed back to Florida. Ryan, Lauren, and the girls went back on Friday and mom stayed through the weekend going home Sunday.
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| Day after surgery...playing with Anna. I wasn't allowed to pick her up and it was killing me. |
Jose's family stopped by a few times to visit and bring food while mom was there. It was so sweet of them to help take care of me too and mom said it made her feel good to know that I had people here to help me after she left. I had a follow up with the oncologist the next week and everything looked good. One of my biggest concerns was my ability to get pregnant. The oncologist reassured me that women with one ovary are able to conceive just as those with two. I felt so fortunate that things had been caught in such an early stage, that I was able to put this all behind me and move on, and we had so much hope and optimism for the future.
2009
Jose took a job in Florida at the beginning of 2009 and we thought for sure this would be the piece needed to get us home with my family in Florida. I didn't have a job there yet and we couldn't afford for me to leave my job in Dallas until I had something definite. So, one of the most bittersweet moments of my life is when I packed my husband up, bought him a one way ticket and sent him 753 miles away to live with my family while I stayed in Dallas by myself. We were both sure I would join him in Florida shortly and vowed that we would visit regularly until that point. Jose and Amy actually leased a precious 3BR-2BA house together in Crestview on Cabana Way. It was absolutely darling and the thought was it would be perfect for us to all share for a few months to get us on our feet if I could find a job in Florida. However, God had different plans.
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| Jose's room in the new house in Florida. |
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| My birthday weekend when I visited Amy and Jose at the house in Florida. |
I remember the morning, March 28, when I woke up and realized that something felt different. I wasn't sleeping well, was tired all the time, and had some weird/uncomfortable feelings in my stomach. That is when I started thinking...could I be pregnant? I blew it off and went along with my day. I met Christine, Jackson, and Madison for lunch at Cafe Nordstrom in the Galleria and was scheduled to babysit for a family later that evening. All day at the mall I just kept feeling like something was very different so on my way to babysit that afternoon I stopped and bought a pregnancy test. I could hardly wait for the little girl's bedtime so that I could take the test. Sure enough....the test was positive....and then I took 4 more tests that night just to make sure the first test was right!
We were pregnant! My heart instantly filled with more love than I have ever experienced in my whole life. My biggest dream in life was to be a mother and Jose's was to be a father! I called Jose immediately to tell him and he broke down crying over the phone. We both just sat there sobbing tears of joy over the phone 753 miles away from each other. Of course it is not exactly how I wanted to reveal the news but I wasn't going to Florida to visit again until Easter weekend and I didn't think I could hold it that long. I made Jose promise not to tell my sister until I told my parents. Amy has this remarkable gift for spreading good news to everyone in record breaking time:-) That's one of the reasons I love her so much. I talked to Amy later that night and I could hardly contain the news.
I called mom the next morning but had decided to wait until I went to the doctor to share the news. Mom was talking about a car that she wanted Jose to test drive. She said that my cousin was selling it because he and his wife were wanting to start a family and it wasn't really a family car but that it would be perfect for Jose to get back and forth to work. I couldn't contain the news anymore...I blurted out with "I don't think that car is a good option for us either because I'm pregnant!" Mom and Dad were so excited and the news instantly started spreading through our family. I called Amy at that point to tell her and she said she and her boyfriend, Kyle, had taken Jose shopping the night before and he told her he was the "happiest man on earth". I also called Ryan and Lauren to tell them the exciting news. When Ryan told Emma she was going to have a baby cousin, sweet little Emma said that she wanted 2 baby cousins: one named "Diego" and one named "Dora"! My life was filled with so much joy and happiness and my heart was running over with love. I could hardly wait to go home for Easter and start planning for this little one with Jose and my family!
I went to the doctor on April 3 and had blood work and an ultrasound to confirm our little peanut was there. I had an ultrasound that day and got to see my sweet little baby on the screen. My doctor said everything looked good, all levels were normal, and I had an appointment to come back 2 weeks later. I ask her about any special monitoring I might need due to my PCOS and my previous medical history including the fact that I now only had half of my reproductive organs. She assured me that everything would be fine and they would see me back in 2 weeks. April 5, 2009 was mine and Jose's first anniversary. We were living 753 miles apart but were so happy because we were now expecting sweet baby Contreras to join us later that year! I was planning to visit Florida the next weekend for my cousin Jaime's wedding and for Easter with my family. On Thursday morning I started having some really faint spotting at work but it went away and I didn't think anything else of it. I flew home Thursday evening for the weekend. I started spotting again on Saturday but it was still very faint and went away. We went to Jamie's wedding in Gulf Shores and enjoyed time with family and friends the rest of the weekend. Jose lost his job a few days before I got there so the plan was for him to come back to Texas with me especially now that a baby was coming.
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| Easter weekend 2009-Pregnant with Baby Contreras Our little family was growing! |
I went back to Texas on Monday morning and Jose followed on a different flight later that day. I called the doctor to ask about the spotting because it had come back again. The doctor assured me that spotting can be normal and I shouldn't worry too much about it. I went to work as usual Monday and Tuesday. Half way through the day on Tuesday, my spotting got worse, so I called and got an appointment with the doctor for that afternoon. Jose went with me to the doctor and they did an ultrasound. Everything looked okay, the cervix was closed, and an added bonus was that they let us see our sweet baby's heartbeat! I didn't think I could have loved this little one more but seeing that heartbeat on the screen beating so fast made my heart grow even more. This was Jose's first glimpse at our little one and he was grinning from ear to ear. The doctor told me to take it easy and wait it out. At home that night my spotting progressed to bleeding, cramping, and eventually contractions. I knew in my head what was happening but I was still holding on to hope in my heart that everything would stop and that our little one would be okay. Jose and I spent all night crying, praying, and begging God to protect our little one and allow him/her to live. But, God's plans were different. I miscarried our baby early Wednesday afternoon. Our hearts broke that day.
I had a follow up appointment the next week with my doctor. They did blood work to make sure my pregnancy hormones were dropping back to normal and that I did not "retain any of the pregnancy". My doctor came into the room, stood at the door, said everything looked good and I should be "back to normal" in a week, told me to wait 6-8 weeks before trying to get pregnant again, and then started to walk out. She spent more time in the room with me during my annual exam than she had in this moment when I was grieving the loss of my baby. I stopped her and told her I had questions. This is when she came back into the room, told me that "my situation" was "out of her league" and confessed that she should have "referred me to a specialist a long time ago". She gave me the name of a Reproductive Endocrinologist that she highly recommended and encouraged me to follow up with him.
I had my first appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist at the end of May. Jose and I were not greatly impressed with his bedside manner on the first visit but we were so ready to move forward with trying again. This doctor offered a plan to help us get pregnant and maintain a pregnancy but there were several different tests that had to be performed before we could start. We moved forward with the tests (blood work, ultrasound, hysterosalpingogram, hysteroscopy, semen analysis, etc) throughout the summer. My doctor was unable to biopsy my uterus during the hysteroscopy so he scheduled me to have a D&C. Before we could move forward with fertility treatments, he needed to assure that my uterus did not have abnormal cells that might hinder maintaining a healthy pregnancy. My D&C was scheduled for August 28, 2009. Everything went well and I was back at work the next Monday. I had an appointment for results scheduled for Friday, September 4. My doctor said we would discuss a plan for moving forward with fertility treatments at this appointment.
I sat in the doctor's consultation room on September 4th with so much optimism. This was the final step...we were finally ready to move forward with treatments. I was completely blindsided by what happened next. My doctor came in and told me that the biopsy of my uterus had come back cancerous and that they were referring me back to my oncologist for follow up and care. I remember leaving the office in a haze and my hands were trembling as I dialed Jose's number to give him the news. This could not be happening again. Jose came up to my work and hung out in my office with me until he had to go to work that evening. I remember we did a lot of crying that day.
My appointment with the oncologist was on September 8 (1 year and a few days after my first visit to his office). I was scheduled for an MRI to assess the vastness of the cancer. Unbelievably, the cancer cells in my uterus were completely different and unrelated to the mass that had been in my ovary just one year ago. After the MRI, my oncologist told me that the cancer was confined to the lining of the uterus, called endometrial cancer, and had been caught in the earliest stages. I was started on an oral medication called Megace. Megace, also called Megestrol, is a man-made version of the human hormone progesterone. It treats breast cancer and endometrial cancer by affecting female hormones involved in cancer growth. I was placed on Megace for 3 months and then scheduled for another D&C to assess the uterine lining.
2010
My second D&C (4th surgery so far) was scheduled for January 8 and the results came back clear! No traces of cancer left, the medicine had worked!
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| The day after my 2nd D&C when the cancer was ALL CLEAR. Still have on my mustard seed necklace from Suz and Jess. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible."-Matthew 17:20 |
I called my parents with the results the day before Martin Luther King weekend of 2010. Finally some good news and a little light shining in this dark place. That same weekend, my dad had a heart attack while in the hunting woods in Alabama. It is amazing how quickly you can go from being filled with joy and happiness to being completely devastated, scared, and confused. I have never felt as far away from my family as I did in that moment. And, I felt like that light we were beginning to see at the end of our dark tunnel had disappeared again. Thankfully, dad recovered quickly after spending a few days in the hospital.
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| Ryan, Lauren, and the girls went to visit Dad in the hospital. Sweet Anna is cuddling with her "PaPa" in the hospital to help his "broken heart" feel better. |
Since we received the all clear from my oncologist, we went back to the reproductive endocrinologist and began fertility treatments immediately. I was started on Clomid. Jose and I felt like we were on an emotional roller coaster throughout our fertility process. While on Clomid, we would go to the doctor, 1-3 times per week, for ultrasounds and other monitoring. My remaining ovary was responding to the clomid producing 2-6 follicles each cycle. I would have to go back 2 times around ovulation day for HCG shots to assist my ovary in releasing a mature egg. After 4 months of the nurse telling us everything looked hopeful and to cross our fingers that this was "the month", we moved forward with IUI procedures to increase our odds. After 2 months of this, we decided to take a month or 2 off and then seek advice/assistance from a different doctor. In the 6 months that I went through these treatments (with 1-3 appointments per week) with this "highly recommended" reproductive endocrinologist, we only interacted with the doctor no more than 4 times. All other appointments including ultrasound monitoring were with the nurse.
In August of 2010, my brother and sister in law had to experience the heartbreaking sadness of having a baby die before birth. An ultrasound showed no heartbeat so Lauren was induced to deliver. It was a bittersweet day for them because Lauren delivered the baby on Emma's 4th birthday. I wanted so badly to be there helping them and their girls through this horrible time but once again I was so far away in Dallas. I was beginning to hate Dallas for all the pain, bad luck, and misfortune it had given me.
We had our first appointment with our new Reproductive Endocrinologist in August of 2010. I began acupuncture treatments around the same time. Our new doctor was wonderful! He was open and honest and offered us a much more hands on approach to care than our other doctor had. We decided with some upcoming conferences/trips I had for work along with the holidays that we would wait until the end of the year/beginning of 2011 to start treatments. This gave me a few months to destress and focus more on total healing. I went to the acupuncturist once a week and loved the hour long sessions. I never thought I would be "that person" but there I was looking forward to lying on a table with needles in my body for an hour! Interestingly enough, my cycle, which had never been regular due to my fluctuating hormones of PCOS, was now running every 28 days like clockwork!
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| Is this a sign of hope? This perfect rainbow was arced over my house one day when I got home from work. I was hoping it was a sign that good things were coming. |
2011
I made an appointment to start new treatments on January 10, 2011. We were so ready to start moving forward and felt hopeful again with our new doctor. I went in for my appointment (even in the snow and ice storm) at 9:30 am. Just like usual, I had to have an ultrasound to make sure everything looked good before moving forward. That's when I was hit with yet another blow. The ultrasound showed that my ovary was extremely enlarged and twisted. The doctor told me that the ovary was measuring 3-4x bigger than what it should be with multiple visible cysts. He explained it by saying a normal ovary should be the size of a walnut and my ovary was the size of a large orange/small grapefruit. The ultrasound showed that my ovary was larger than my uterus. He told me this can happen sometimes, especially in women with PCOS, and I would not be able to begin fertility treatments this month because I needed to wait until the ovary returned to normal size. The doctor said many times the ovary will return to normal size and be ready to endure fertility treatments in 2-4 months but other times it might require surgical intervention. He also told me to limit strenuous movements and heavy lifting as this could cause the ovary/cysts to rupture. He gave me ER warning signs for possible rupture and torsion, made me an appointment for follow up in 4 weeks, and sent me home.
We were devastated and our hope was wavering once again. The weeks after that seemed to drag on forever. I remember beginning to notice the pains in my right side becoming more intense (I had felt them for about 1 month leading up to my appointment but didn't really think they were anything to worry about). The sharp pains and dull aches continued to increase in the weeks after my first appointment. I was in total denial and felt sure my next appointment would bring us good news. My follow up ultrasound was at 1:30 on February 7. The doctor told me that the ovary had not gotten bigger but there were several worrisome spots visible on the ultrasound. All of my appointments/ultrasounds thus far had been in the doctor's office. He wanted me to have a repeat ultrasound in the radiology department as he said their equipment is more effective and he wanted a Radiologist to read the scans. I scheduled an appointment in radiology at Parkland (where I work) for Wednesday, February 9, at 2:00pm. The scan took FOREVER because the radiologist kept requesting more pictures and then scheduled a doppler to assess the blood flow to and from the ovary. Of course, they would not tell me anything because they had to "send the results to my doctor". I was leaving for a weekend in Florida on Thursday and was anxious to receive the results before I left. So frustrating!
My doctor called me on Thursday afternoon, on my way to the airport, and told me there were several concerning spots that suggested "neoplasm" or tumor and they wanted me to follow up with my oncologist. Jose and I both started crying in the middle of the airport thinking this cannot be happening again. I called my oncologist before I boarded the plane and got an appointment for February 16. I cried, off and on, all the way to Florida. I know the people around me thought I was nuts. My next obstacle was finding a way to tell my family. My sister had just recently gotten engaged and I did not want the bad news to damper the excitement of planning a wedding. Plus, with my extensive history, I hadn't wanted anyone to worry with things that might not need worrying over. Mom picked me up at the airport and we headed to MaMa's house for dinner. I was going to wait and tell mom later but I got extremely emotional the moment I got in the car. The trip from the airport to MaMa's house is less than 10 minutes and I had already disclosed everything to mom by the time we got there. MaMa provided a calm, loving, supportive, spiritual, and hopeful environment for us that night; just like she always does. She prayed for us before dinner and reminded me to look to God for strength and support.
The weekend with family was just what I needed to take my mind off of the looming appointment. I had dinner with MaMa, got a massage, visited PaPa twice (who had been sick with pneumonia and was staying in the assisted living facility for a month), met sweet Marlee (my cousin's baby) for the first time, and spent an entire day with Emma and Anna.
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| Sweet Marlee |
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| Landmark Park-Dothan, AL |
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| Emma and Anna-Landmark Park |
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| They picked out their own valentine present from their MaMa...princess umbrellas. You never know when you might need an umbrella especially at the age of 2 and 4! |
Me and my sweet girls. I love every second with them.
My appointment on the 16th was at 10:15. My oncologist said exactly what everyone else said. This can be normal but with my history there is some concern. He discussed a few possible options and we decided on monitoring it just a little bit longer to see what might happen. He said he did not want to go more than 2 weeks before I had a repeat ultrasound. He did discuss the possible need for surgical intervention and the ramifications this might have on future fertility. He encouraged me to follow up with my reproductive endocrinologist to discuss all of my fertility options in the event that surgery was needed. When we discussed surgery, we discussed removal of the cyst with possible removal of a portion of my ovary.
So, I met once again with my reproductive endocrinologist on February 21 to discuss. He told me my options were limited. He could not do egg retrieval with my ovary in the condition it was in because hormones could affect the growth and the retrieval process itself could rupture the cyst. He said egg donor would most likely have to be our route in the event that the ovary had to be removed. If my oncologist could salvage a portion of the ovary I would still be able to produce eggs for fertility. Apparently, all you need is a small piece of ovarian tissue to produce eggs!
I went for a repeat ultrasound and follow up appointment with my oncologist on Friday, February 25. My ultrasound was at 12:30 pm and my appointment with the doctor was at 2:45pm. Jose and I were so nervous and that 2 hour gap of time seemed like an entire week. We sat outside on a bench for a while at Baylor Medical Center hoping and praying that there was some improvement. Unfortunately, our results came back negatively, the ovary/cyst had grown, and my oncologist recommended surgical removal. We were devastated once again.
I was planning on going to Florida the next weekend because I was hosting a baby shower for one of my best friends and it was extremely important for me to be there. I also wanted my mom to be able to come to Dallas for the surgery so needed a little time to arrange all of this. My oncologist was willing to allow me a 2 week window but he did not recommend waiting longer than that. So, after talking with my mom, we scheduled surgery for Tuesday, March 15 (the day after my 29th birthday).
The next week and weekend was full of great distractions. Jose and I moved from a townhouse in Irving into a rental house in Dallas. I also went to Florida and Georgia to see Jess and Suz and co-host a shower for sweet Baby Wylie!
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| Suzanne, Jessica, me, and Casey at the shower. |
Again, a great distraction to keep me from thinking about my looming surgery. I did have a few "emotional" moments along the way but held my self together pretty well. Being around so many friends and family made me emotional but reminded me how loved and supported I truly was. I also got to help my sister pick out her wedding dress that weekend.
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| She found the perfect one! |
So, there were lots of exciting moments to disguise my worry and fear! The weekend was over so quickly and then it was back to Dallas on March 6th for 1 more week of work before the big surgery day. Of course, my birthday was on March 14 which also happened to be my bowel prep day. It was no fun to spend my birthday "tanking up" on clear liquids and magnesium citrate, prepping for surgery. But, I had a very happy moment when I got the news that my friend Christine had delivered her precious baby boy Harrison! Harrison will always hold a special place in my heart for being my birthday buddy and shining some light on an oh so dark day:-) Mom got in the evening of the 14th and we made big plans for celebrating my birthday after the surgery was over!!
March 15: Surgery Day was here and I was so ready to have it over with. Mom, Jose, and I woke up early that morning and headed to Baylor. We sat in the same waiting room and had to go through all the same preop steps as before. It was a little like deja vu. When we were in the preop holding area we were all a ball of nerves. I remember my oncologist walking into the room and telling us that they would do their best to leave the ovary intact. This was such good information and I felt so confident that things would be over quickly and we could move on with starting our family. I was taken back to the OR and the next thing I knew, I'm waking up in the recovery room. I remember coming in and out of consciousness and feeling great pain in my abdomen. I was very confused as to why I was hurting so much from my laparoscopic procedure. The previous procedure was painful but this pain was much more intense. Then I remember my oncologist standing at the bedside with his hand on my arm. He said, "Erin, the tumor was cancerous. We had to take it all. We had to remove everything." I remember saying okay but the words were not truly making sense in my head.
A short while later I was wheeled from recovery to a room on the gynecological oncology floor. I was still in shock, confused, in pain, and coming in and out of awareness. I couldn't figure out why they were admitting me to the floor when my surgery had been a laparoscopic outpatient procedure. Then, I saw mom and Jose in the hall and it's like my brain started working. I started crying and saying "they took everything, they took everything".
What I found out later is that the doctors started my surgery as an exploratory laparoscopy. After seeing the indepth nature of the cyst and the state of my ovary they decided to discuss treatment options with my mom and Jose. While I was in the operating room under anesthesia my doctor discussed the case with mom and Jose and asked them to make a decision about how to move forward. He told them that he could attempt to remove the ovarian cyst but leave the ovary intact or he could remove the ovary completely. He felt the cyst looked suspicious and that attempting to remove the cyst alone could cause it to rupture. He said, if the cyst ruptured and if it was cancerous, this would spread cancer cells throughout my lymphatic system. Mom and Jose made the decision at that point to allow the doctor to move forward with removing the entire ovary intact with the cyst. My doctor returned to the OR at that time to move forward.
The doctor came out of the operating room a while later to inform mom and Jose that the ovarian cyst appeared to be cancer. He said the risk of cancer being in other areas of my reproductive system was high especially with my previous history. He sent the ovary and cyst to the lab for a frozen pathology and was awaiting results. His recommended treatment was to perform a radical hysterectomy, multiple abdominal biopsies, and lymph node biopsies. Mom and Jose, with heavy hearts, consented to my doctor moving forward with this procedure. They all knew my STRONG desire to be a mother but decided jointly that this was the best possible treatment plan to save my life. At this point my minimally invasive laparoscopic surgery was converted to an open laparotomy surgery.
The pathology results confirmed malignant cells; identified later as epithelial ovarian cancer. The pathology of my uterus also noted a small mass that was malignant endometrial cancer. My doctor reassured Jose and Mom that "one thousand times over they made the right decision". He said if he had not removed my ovary with the cyst intact, as decided by my mom and Jose, that I would have had to receive chemotherapy. I am so thankful mom and Jose were there for me that day. I know they made one of the toughest decisions they will ever have to make. I know that they felt guilty for having to decide my "fate" without my input. I also know that they were afraid I would blame them for my inability to carry a child. I know they made the right decision. I do not blame them for how things turned out. I am grateful that they helped save my life!
So, one day after turning 29, I had my ovary, fallopian tube, uterus, and cervix removed due to ovarian and uterine cancer. I was now classified as post menopausal. My hopes of carrying a child inside of me were crushed.We were devastated as our dreams for our future family had been ripped away from us. My physical battle scar measures 12 1/2 inches vertically down my abdomen (I had 47 staples!) but my emotional scars have been far more painful...a broken heart.
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| Post Op Day 1 |
I spent 3 days in the hospital and then 6 weeks off from work recovering. I had so many wonderful friends sending me flowers, stopping by to visit, dropping of food, and lending me movies/books. My staples were removed on Post-op day 7 which is also the day mom had to go back to Florida. The next day, my incision opened, which delayed the healing time significantly. (My incision did not fully close until the end of July 2011.) After my second post op appointment, April 1, I got consent (although hesitant) from the doctor to travel to Florida. My emotional recovery was just beginning as I had been focused on the physical recovery the first 2 weeks. I knew one of the best places for me to begin my emotional healing was the place I feel the safest....in Laurel Hill, FL...the place I grew up.
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| Amy sent me an edible arrangement! Mom and Jose loved this one too:-) |
I had 10 wonderful days in Florida surrounded by friends, family, and lots of beautiful scenery. I spent several days sitting on my parent's back porch reading books. 
I got to see the beach with my brother, sister in law, and nieces.
I spent the night and one full day with grandma. My aunt took me for pedicures. I talked for hours with one of my dearest childhood friends. I saw my parents and sister daily. And, I got multiple smiles, silly stories, and amazing hugs from my sweet nieces.
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| Anna |
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| Emma |
The past year has definitely had it's share of ups and downs. Many more downs than ups.
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| May 24, 2011: My last visit with my PaPa before he died. |
There were moments when I didn't think we would make it through this storm. But, we have pushed forward and have learned that "instead of waiting for the storm to pass, we need to learn how to dance in the rain". I am on the "5 year plan" with my oncologist where I have follow up appointments with exams and bloodwork every 3 months. I cannot wait for March 15, 2016 where I am officially declared "Cancer Free" and released from my oncologist's care. Jose and I attended our first "Ovarian Cancer Awareness Walk" in September and I walked as a "Survivor". I can't even begin to explain the feelings I had that day. It is a feeling no one will ever understand until they have been there.
It has taken us a while to get to this point. There were several different community support groups we sought out but none had anything to offer a 29 year old post menopausal ovarian cancer survivor or a young couple grieving the inability to have biological children due to cancer. But, we are grieving our losses and are beginning to heal. We are so thankful for LIFE and are finding new ways to move forward and create our family different than originally thought. We have explored both surrogacy and adoption however both have significant expenses. So, we are brainstorming ways to raise the funds needed to begin our family. It is baby steps but we will get there!
So, this has been our life over the past 4 years. A lot of heart ache and pain but it feels so good to say that I am a cancer SURVIVOR. Thank you all for your support and prayers. You are giving us hope for our future. We could not be doing this without you.
Love,
Erin and Jose
Many people have asked how they can help. So, we have set up a fundraising event online to help us reach our goal of $50,000 to become parents through surrogacy or adoption.
You can also check out my Thirty-one page for practical and cute bags and accessories. All proceeds go directly to our "Baby Contreras Account".
Please let us know if you have any other ideas or suggestions on fundraising events.
