November 2013

Well, here we are 6 months after my last post. We have been on a roller coaster of emotions over the past 6 months and I have not been able to write about all of our trials and tribulations. I just re-read my last post through tears and felt the ache throbbing in my heart all over again. I hope that one day the ache will diminish and the anger will subside. My friend, Matthew Titus, has told me for years that forgiveness is the best feeling and the only way to truly set yourself free of the pain. We are working on that but for now will settle for accepting what has happened, understanding that it was for the best, and overcoming some of the cruelty that dwells in this world.

I had a milestone appointment with the oncologist a few months back which officially put me at the 2 year mark of being "cancer free". The doctor told us that after 2 years the chances of recurrence are lowered drastically! So excited to have that behind us and moving forward towards the 5 year "remission".

We had a "staycation" at my parent's house in Florida for a week this summer. It was so nice to be home, relaxing with family/friends, and enjoying all the things I love so much about Florida (beach, seafood, great weather, family/friends, and home). We also found out that Amy is pregnant and will be having a baby girl in April 2014. Knowing that Amy is pregnant makes my heart long/ache for a baby even more so that our babies can grow up together and Amy and I can navigate the road to parenthood together. With that being said, I have been putting of this post for a while because I have been scared to "speak it into reality". But, here goes....

We have found a surrogate! We are so excited, anxious, and scared to death all at the same time. We have hoped for and prayed for this day and cannot believe it is here. We were connected to Susan a few months ago through a friend. She lives close, is happily married with 4 children, is a midwife/child birth doula who loves bringing babies into the world:-) From the first time I talked to her I knew she is exactly what we have been looking for all these years. Jose and I have been so scared to jinx the whole thing by talking about it but since transfer is coming up next week I figure we better start talking. We are over the moon with excitement and are feeling hope again which I thought was lost for so long. She began her meds in October and we are set for embryo transfer on November 18 (yes that is Monday)!!! We need/want all the prayers, thoughts, good vibes we can get on this for a successful transfer and implantation, healthy pregnancy, and a beautiful birth/baby next year.

Here is to hoping 2014 brings great joy, in a little package, to our lives.

Erin and Jose

You can also read Susan's blog at surromommalove.blogspot.com