April 2012

As April comes to a close, we continue to feel so fortunate and blessed to have so many people supporting us and encouraging us throughout this journey.  With my Thirty-one parties/orders this month we were able to raise almost another $1000 for the baby fund.  I have wonderful friends and family that continue to host parties in their home or have catalog work parties to help us in this venture to become parents.  I never saw myself as the "sales" type but I am embracing these opportunities with open arms as each party/order puts us one step closer to our goal.. We are officially 1/8 of the way towards our goal of $50,000.

I went for my check up, yet another physical exam and another round of blood work, on April 9th and got a good report card from the oncologist. I have now graduated to check ups every 4 months instead of every 3 months.  I've officially started year 2 of being cancer free!  We are hoping and praying for 50+ years to go:-)
 
I got to visit Florida for Easter and spend some wonderful time with my family and friends. (Jose had to stay in Dallas since he just started his new job.)  I love every second of being home and always feel like the time speeds by.  I hate having to say goodbye, and cry every time,  but I know that Dallas is where Jose and I are meant to be right now.  Hopefully, one day, when I am not having to visit the oncologist every 3-4 months, we will be able to come home for good.  But, until then, I thank God for my health and my ability to travel to Florida for a weekend.  

HDL Reunion!!  Jess, Hattie, and Suz came to visit me in Destin.

My most favorite girls in the world....Emma Lee, Anna Elizabeth, and Lily Kate!

Easter weekend was a little bitter sweet for me since the last time I was home for Easter was the year I was pregnant.  We went to the cabin in Freeport on Easter Sunday and I had a flood of memories wash over me.  The last time I visited the cabin I was pregnant; and thinking about the wonderful memories I had here as a child while dreaming of our sweet baby enjoying some of these same memories in the years ahead.  Jose and I were on top of the world and just a few short days later, our world crumbled.  No matter how much distance, hope, prayer, and healing you put between your present life and the loss of a baby, your heart will never forget.  My heart was filled with so much love and happiness this year; to be able to share more special moments and create many wonderful memories with my family. But, my heart also ached for the baby that we will never hold in our arms nor share in this life.  I continue to look to God for strength to help me through these moments.  One of my most favorite songs has helped me through this month....

Held 

 by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing

To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares

We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

(Chorus:)
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows

The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

(Chorus:)
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held